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MY SPUTNIK.

2009-10-30T02:46:00.000-07:00

“And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.” -SPSW

You may never know who am I and who Sputnik is but when the time comes that I'll have to reveal everything to you, I hope that everything will turn out just the way I wanted it to be.

I love you.. Just like a Sputnik.

I'm Back.

2009-10-26T03:21:00.000-07:00

Good evening, It's been like what? A several months since I blogged once again. The reason why is that I wasn't able to gather all my thoughts once again and put it all together for you guys. I had a lot of things going on with school, friends and love and finally I have the enough time to check this one up once again and re-tell all my stories all over again.

If you'll ask me, "How's your heart lately?" Well to sum it all up to you guys, My life's still experiencing ups and downs of life. The only thing new to me is that, 4 and I are not together anymore. It was really complicated and all with her and 3. She found out that 3 and I have something going on while we're still together. Stupid I know. But still, people doesn't know how I really feel about this issue. I'm still sorry for everything if ever you guys will ever pass by to my blog. After everything that had happen, everything changed and I think change is good. I hope this could go on until my last breath.

College so far's really hilarious. I just flunked PE and I dont even know how that happened. My Psyhco bitch lesbian coach failed me and I dont even know why. Medicine course is hard I tell you, I'm starting to let go all of my parties every friday and all the shit that I had during my best days. Geez, how I miss all of it. Wish I could fast forward everything til I graduate and become a doctor and possibly have a boyfriend hihi.

O yeah, a month a go Philippines experienced a sudden climate change that everyone's talking about. Stupid Typhoon Ketsana ruined our 1st floor and my mom's car just right. It eerily dawned on me today, as dark clouds loomed in and rain started pouring from the sky, that it has been a month since Ondoy devastated most of Central Luzon.

EVERYTHING.. and EVERYONE. I MUST PRESS MY RESET BUTTON.

RIGHT.. NOW.

Indian Summer && Hard Candy

2009-06-01T03:11:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, I was at my friends house with my other friends and we discussed about Katy Perry. Yes, I really really adore Katy Perry and her beauty and Music. My friend randomly asked what was the best music video ever I said the Thinking Of You song and she surprisingly said that Katy Perry had a 1st version of the song Thinking Of You. I searched it on net and luckily I saw it.

After watching it I realized that the 2nd version of the song is much better than this.
<3>

Gays That Will Now Soar Separately

2009-05-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

High school is over and done, I will never go back in that kingdom of happiness with those familiar faces that I always see everyday. The faces that I'm certain that they know me and I know them.. The faces that I know how to read them and I know which kind of cliques they go to. The teachers that never fail me to give a pain in the ass with loads of home works and quizzes to be studied right after school; teachers whom I know how they handle students from the very first day of my high school year. The environment, of course. People that I am dealing and dwelling with everyday, the people I always been with, the people who cares and accepts me for me..
At least, for now..
I love those people and I will never ever trade anything for the world.

Now it's time for the real world where you have to go by yourself from now on. The world that you have to make good decisions 'cause whatever path you choose, it will definitely shape your future.

My friends will still be there whenever there will be a get together parties and when you pass by them randomly in a mall. At least, you know that you still see them and that they will still greet you with warm hugs and kisses..

College will be different, no more groups of friends, no more familiar teachers and schoolmates.. Just YOU.

that's how we live our lives. No matter how deep the fatal loss, no matter how important the thing or person that has stolen from us -- that snatched right out of our lives -- even we are left completely changed people with only the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence. We draw ever nearer to our allocated span of time, bidding off as it trails of from behind. Repeating often adroitly, the endless deeds of our everyday. Leaving a feeling of immeasurable emptiness.
*****
Maybe in some distant place, everything is already, quietly, lost.. Or at least there exists a silent place where everything can disappear, melding together in a single, overlapping figure. And as we live our lives we discover --- drawing towards us the thin threads attached to each -- what has been lost. I closed my eyes and tried to bring to mind as many beautiful lost things as I could. Drawing them closer; holding on to them. Knowing all the while that their lives are now fleeting away..
--- K

That's how life supposed to be.. NO FOREVER.

The Wind That Blew My Heart Away

2009-05-14T02:12:00.000-07:00

It coulda been me and you together walking in the rain.
We coulda been making out and making plans to run away.
But here I am all alone outside and I really wish I told her everything that I was feeling inside.
Honor Society

In chapter one, you were my summer crush
Chilled at the beach from dawn to dusk
Under my umbrella

In chapter two, it got more serious
Changed from you and me to them and us
But we fell like the autumn leafs leaves
But the leaves got swept away
And the rain bled off the page

Please don't tell me this is the end of the story
Honor Society

So I've been thinking a lot this past 2 days about who should I pick and who should I leave miserable. In my past blog, the reason why I'm not in love anymore for the reason that I like someone else but I'm really afraid to tell that person nor tell it to my current boyfriend. The reason is that, I'm not sure if he'll give the same treatment or love to me and I don't think I'll be happy when I choose her. On the other hand, My boyfriend is the most amazing boy that I've ever been with despite the fact that we always have petty fights that turns into a big problem. He's to sensitive about the things around us and what's worst is that he misunderstood a lot of things and I'm afraid to let him see the other side of things. But despite all of her flaws, I still learn how to make my patience longer and learn how to understand what he's going through even though I know that it's over the edge already. In short, I love him dearly but I'm not in love with her anymore.

To the person that I like right now, he's really pretty and nice but I don't think I'd meet my expectations to him.

I'm really don't know who should I pick... But as I woke up a while ago, I realized that all this fling with that person is just there to fill me in whenever my boy and I have misunderstanding. You can call me a player but that's how I am. I'm the kind of person to keep things and lie about it because I know how the person will feel when I tell the truth. I don't want to hurt someone.

But I really need to make a choice and I hope whatever decision I make, I'll be certain.

At around 2pm, I texted the person and I said that this is goodbye. Even though I want to tell him what I feel about him, I know that things will get more complicated and both parties will be torn by my decision. I really do hope that fate and destiny will find our hearts again and renew what we have left behind..

If ever you're reading this, I hope that we could still be friends. I'm really sorry..
But I just stood there frozen and he got away.....

A Bitter Pill

2009-05-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

"I hope my smile can distract you I hope my fists can fight for two So it never has to show And you'll never know I hope my love can blind you I hope my arms can bind you So you'll never have to see What we've grown to be One may think were alright But we need pills to sleep at night We need lies to make it through the day Were not okay.." The Perishers

I'm not eloquent with words when it comes to songs that needs to be interpreted but as of 7:08 PM, I realized that the song tells me that its about a couple who have lost their romantic interest. they still love each other but their love has involved and faded over time.. It's like loving someone but the person is no longer IN LOVE anymore.

...And I think I am that person.

Rain check: Today, the sun hasn't come up and I am here in front of my computer doing nothing but to glance to the window every now and then to check what's in store with my life today. The channel that I'm seeing in my window right now is full of fog with the breath of a life gone by created by the typhoon. I'm a sight this morning: Class shirt, light pajamas that I've only wore today for a very very long time,2 ballers in my right wrist, tied up my hair and clipped bangs. The atmosphere in my room was really hot that even though I pulled my hair up sweat keeps coming along down my face. The temperature spews hot air like a angry dragon, and still my body shivers with a cold that'll never go away. A cold that has been 1/2 year in the making..

Many thoughts keep running inside my head and one thing that could never be erased in my kingdom of thoughts would be my only boyfriend. It's been 2 years and we're still together but right now I feel that my heart is near to the finish line. What I mean is that, having relationship with a boy doesn't last forever. I too wanted to have kids in a normal way unlike "TIBET" in the show L word. Still, I love him but I'm not IN LOVE anymore. We've been through so many struggles and I'm thankful that even though we both walked through the great fire, We were able to come across and covered the fire with sand to end it. But right now, I need a new start, a new personality, a new companion... A new ME.

My life? It isn't easy to explain. It has not been the rip-roaring spectacular I fancied it would be, but neither have I burrowed around with the gophers. The romantics would call this a love story, the cynics would call it tragedy. In my mind, It's a little bit of both, and no matter how you choose to view it in the end, it doesn't change the fact that it involves a great deal of my life and the path that I've chosen to follow. I have no complaints nor any regrets about my path and the places it has taken me; enough complaints to fill a circus tent about other things, maybe, the path I've chosen has always been the right one, and I wouldn't have any other way.

Time, unfortunately doesn't make it easy to stay on course. But the path that I've taken is now strewn with the rocks and gravel that accumulate over a lifetime. I cannot tell him what I feel 'cause I'm really afraid to hurt her. That's why I always end up lying. But I'm hoping I'd get the right time and the right words to tell himthat in life, there is nothing permanent. Only, our hearts will win..

I should take a pill now to forget all the thoughts that I've been thinking.
I LOVE YOU, Always and Forever.

Lost; Find Love Again

2009-05-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a vacation and when I got home I've decided to pass by to the bookstore. I was looking for a very good book to read since being online, watching TV, iPod and PSP are so overrated to do now. I just want to spend time reading and wondering what will be like having someone else's shoe.. That's how I read books. I read books that are pretty much related to my life 'cause it brings inspiration and it gives me advices on how to go through with life. I went to one corner and I saw much of Haruki Murakami books. Damn if only I had enough money I'd buy all of his books. He's really good so far even though I've only read his book once. His paperback books are so beautiful and it's also nice to collect all his books and pile them up in my room. After reflecting on Haruki Murakami's books, I turned around and on the one side of the shelf I saw Paulo Coelho's books. Yeah I've read couple of his works and it was great but I don't give those books an excellent credit. Until I found this book of Paulo which is The Zahir. I really don't know how this book struck me. I don't know, maybe reading the summary at the back made me realize something. I heard this book from a person who is not much of a book lover but she quoted much
of this book. As I read the summary It had me thinking that the person who read that book is pretty much enjoying for the reason that It is also happening to her life. The book talks about A woman leaves her husband with no explanation to find out how to be happy. She leaves no note, no messenger, takes nothing, just seems to disappear. He finds himself in the journey and learns he needs to look for her because he loves her, not because he is obsessed. Along the way other hearts get broken.

More on: "When someone leaves, it's because someone else is about to arrive - I'll find love again."

I should have bought this book!! Well, maybe I might buy that book later. So excited to read it.

First Day On A Brand New Planet

2009-05-11T02:15:00.000-07:00

So, where should I start? First of all, I created this for the reason that I think that this site will satisfy me. Satisfy by the means of letting me enhance my skills in writing and let everyone know what's inside about Sputnik and where did Sputnik came from. All in all, this site will let you know more about myself, who am I behind the name Sputnik. Try reading my entries and I promise to give you a bittersweet stories that will satisfy your taste. That the world is broad, that myths are universal and while we sleep the world is still moving in mysterious ways and unpredictable ways. Just try reading my entries and you'll see.