A Bitter Pill

"I hope my smile can distract you I hope my fists can fight for two So it never has to show And you'll never know I hope my love can blind you I hope my arms can bind you So you'll never have to see What we've grown to be One may think were alright But we need pills to sleep at night We need lies to make it through the day Were not okay.." The Perishers

I'm not eloquent with words when it comes to songs that needs to be interpreted but as of 7:08 PM, I realized that the song tells me that its about a couple who have lost their romantic interest. they still love each other but their love has involved and faded over time.. It's like loving someone but the person is no longer IN LOVE anymore.

...And I think I am that person.

Rain check: Today, the sun hasn't come up and I am here in front of my computer doing nothing but to glance to the window every now and then to check what's in store with my life today. The channel that I'm seeing in my window right now is full of fog with the breath of a life gone by created by the typhoon. I'm a sight this morning: Class shirt, light pajamas that I've only wore today for a very very long time,2 ballers in my right wrist, tied up my hair and clipped bangs. The atmosphere in my room was really hot that even though I pulled my hair up sweat keeps coming along down my face. The temperature spews hot air like a angry dragon, and still my body shivers with a cold that'll never go away. A cold that has been 1/2 year in the making..

Many thoughts keep running inside my head and one thing that could never be erased in my kingdom of thoughts would be my only boyfriend. It's been 2 years and we're still together but right now I feel that my heart is near to the finish line. What I mean is that, having relationship with a boy doesn't last forever. I too wanted to have kids in a normal way unlike "TIBET" in the show L word. Still, I love him but I'm not IN LOVE anymore. We've been through so many struggles and I'm thankful that even though we both walked through the great fire, We were able to come across and covered the fire with sand to end it. But right now, I need a new start, a new personality, a new companion... A new ME.

My life? It isn't easy to explain. It has not been the rip-roaring spectacular I fancied it would be, but neither have I burrowed around with the gophers. The romantics would call this a love story, the cynics would call it tragedy. In my mind, It's a little bit of both, and no matter how you choose to view it in the end, it doesn't change the fact that it involves a great deal of my life and the path that I've chosen to follow. I have no complaints nor any regrets about my path and the places it has taken me; enough complaints to fill a circus tent about other things, maybe, the path I've chosen has always been the right one, and I wouldn't have any other way.

Time, unfortunately doesn't make it easy to stay on course. But the path that I've taken is now strewn with the rocks and gravel that accumulate over a lifetime. I cannot tell him what I feel 'cause I'm really afraid to hurt her. That's why I always end up lying. But I'm hoping I'd get the right time and the right words to tell himthat in life, there is nothing permanent. Only, our hearts will win..

I should take a pill now to forget all the thoughts that I've been thinking.
I LOVE YOU, Always and Forever.